This Mommy Runs on Caffeine

This Mommy Runs on Caffeine

November 25, 2009

The 23rd

23 is a memorable number for me-  the great Michael Jordan wore #23; the earth is on a 23 degree angle; "W" is the 23rd letter of the alphabet (our last name); we both contributed 23 chromosomes to our darling daughter; and one of the main reasons that I quite often play that number in roulette is that March 23rd is our wedding anniversary.  It has nothing to do with the crappy movie starring Jim Carrey- ugh- 95 minutes of my life I will never get back.  And the 23rd is now going to be remembered as the first day that I had to rejoin the working world and leave my sweet baby girl all day.  Yes, hundreds of thousands of people do it every day.

But I had no idea that it would suck so much.  Not my job, but having to not be with Kiera all day.  I tried my best to not make it harder and counted down the minutes (not usually a clockwatcher!) until I got to leave and rush home to pick her up.  I held out as long as I could (early afternoon) to call and check on her; Jason didn't- he called in the morning.  The morning exit strategy is as painless for me as I could hope as Jason is dropping Kiera off at his mom's house this week.  That means that I'm still too busy getting ready so the sendoff is quick and without much fanfare.  I still cried....

Don't get me wrong- I'm thrilled that little Kiera is in such great hands for daycare during the upcoming weeks by spending time with all of her grandparents- how lucky is that?  But still, I'm totally jealous as I WANT to be with her.  (Do you think I can sneak her into the office discreetly tucked into my favorite Coach bag???)   I know that it is much harder for me than it is for her.  As long as she is fed her moo-juice and is being pampered (literally!) she's a happy camper.  Me, on the other hand is at work, wishing that I could change the Pampers.  In the early weeks, I couldn't wait to go back to work; and in all honesty I have to say that it is nice to get up, get dressed and go to work and feel accomplished.  But I miss that angelic little face smiling at me all day- I miss feeling needed by this incredible little person.  Such conflict! 

I know that it will get better and the three of us will adapt to a little routine and our lives will settle into some pattern of normalcy.  I'm looking forward to seeing what those normal days look like, but that certainly won't be until after we get through the holidays, I'm sure!  Now I just look forward to 4 o'clock-  when I can go home and see my baby girl.  She is a great reason to work and to have the opportunity to spoil her to no end.  She is my reason for everything.

At least I had a nice little surprise waiting for me when I got back:

(Thanks Erika!!!)   ( :

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