A Blog Identity

LatteLovinMommy (perhaps me?) is suffering from a blog-dentity crisis. Unlike many of the blogs I peruse, I'm just a plain little Mommy-written blog without a specialty topic. I originally started this when I was pregnant and looking for a way to vent or share my experience without feeling like I was boring whomever I was talking to.  I'm a Jill of Many Trades but not a master of anything specific- that's good and bad of course. I could take the time to try to become an expert, but why try and reinvent the wheel when there's so many other blogs out there to capture readers' attention? I'm just me- trying to be the best Mommy I can to my sweet girl while maintaining a certain level of sanity in all the other areas of my life that need attention- work, my business, being a wife, maintaining friendships, being a good steward of our home and money. I'm not a natural-living parent; I love my coupons and saving money, but I'm not about to spend an extra 25 hours on top of my already busy life honing a hobby that others blog so well about already; I'm crafty, but despite my wonderful shelves of raw materials, I can't say that I've broken out the Cricut or beads in a really, really long time, and although mildly funny, I'm not slated for a stand-up show of my own anytime in the near future and thankfully, we are blessed with a healthy family and I don't have to turn to my blog to deal with the pain of having a special needs or angel child. And of course, there's only one toddler- not multiples that make my head spin just thinking about!
    So my point is kind of pointless- I want to have a wonderful blog for devoted followers (all three of you) to read, but I'm not sure where to go from here? Do you take the time to read worthy blogs about nothing in particular other than it's written by the caffeine-driven Mommy of a really cute almost-two-year-old? Is it okay to have a random, diverse blog? I still use this as an outlet and hobby and not a formal 'job;' I fear that it would be even more neglected (sniff, sniff) if I had to work on it and not wanted to. What draws you to a blog?
     I'm going to keep plugging away at my randomness- the writing keeps my mind sharp and is somewhat of a creative outlet until I can actually start MiniLatte's newborn baby book.....
Until Next Time,

Carol

Things That Make You Go What the Hell???

Years ago, it was the stories about little helpless animals being abused that used to get me, now, it's the stories about kids as well. When you're a mom, there's just something that helps you easily bond with other Moms- it's like a switch is flipped on and a common denominator of the little ones helps you to start a conversation or forge a relationship. It's also the same 'something' that makes you shake your head and wonder what the hell a fellow mom was thinking. Don't get me wrong, I really try not to judge other people in normal everyday situations such as overhearing the toddler screaming "Damn it!" at the top of her lungs in Bath & Bodyworks.... oh, wait- that was me.... my take on competitive parenting still stands; my thoughts are leaning towards moms who just blatantly put their children in harms way, or in this case the woman who is accused of killing her 7 week old daughter in the microwave or me forming my own opinion surrounding the facts about Kaylee Anthony. WHAT. THE. HELL. 
Please note the use of me calling the first instance a woman instead of a mom is completely deliberate- it's challenging for me to group her in a category the same as myself and in the second case, I'd much rather place the emphasis on the angel-baby rather than than the selfish person who bore her.
    In the case of the microwave story, this was one of the first times that I've ever had a queasy stomach while reading an article; and the thought of the poor baby girl just brings tears to my eyes. I know that in the sake of justice, she deserves a fair trial, and I'll grant her that (at the cost of how much to taxpayers...) but her actions are completely reprehensible. How can anyone do harm to their own children in such a horrible manner? I can't fathom it....
   I think back to when MiniLatte was that little and helpless. I was battling PPD but even during a bad moment, my first thought was always putting her safety and well-being first (perhaps the Zoloft helped...) and when I felt like I couldn't handle a certain Mommy-moment, I called in the cavalry. In retrospect, I may not be able to truly relate because she was such an easy-going little baby, but there were those times. Those times called for what we called our "Baby Spa," taking the bouncy seat in the bathroom and turning the shower on for the white noise and steam. It would usually calm her down, but I remember one particular day where I was also crying and thinking to myself if it was always going to be hard. At no time in the most trying of moments did I even come close to thinking that I wanted to harm my infant.
   And Kaylee, oh dear. There is something completely wrong with that family period. Either they went to great lengths to a) cover-up an accidental drowning; or b) cover-up a murder by drowning -or- she just outright murdered her child to return to a party-girl life. What baffles me is that the father is culpable in some manner.... if it were my dad, he would have throttled me and then driven me to jail himself. My friends and family ask about MiniLatte daily, let alone to go 31 days without wondering about her whereabouts... hell, I passed up my annual conference this week for my direct sales business because it would be too hard to be away from her at this point.  And my tattoo would be one honoring my little girls name.... not Bella Vita. Life sure wouldn't be as sweet without my precious girl in it; and I certainly would have a hard time going on with my own life. Yet, she probably didn't have to fight biology to have Kaylee like we did MiniLatte, she also isn't deserving to have another child..... yes, I know I'm judging but it just breaks my heart---- we are supposed to protect the little ones!
   Both of these former moms will have their day eventually. In the meantime, I'm going upstairs to hold my daughter and smother (sorry, perhaps out of context?) her with kisses.... and say a prayer for those little Angel-girls.
 

Just One

Uno.
Solo.
Only.
Sole.
Lone.
One. Child.
Yes, only child. That's my daughter. That's also me.....

      The burning question of the year is either WHEN or ARE you having another child. I'm not planning on it. Our daughter is wonderful, sweet, beautiful, kind, gentle, adorable and perfect. Although I'm sure that efforts may be duplicated, but we I'm quite happy with our little family of three. My husband would certainly like one more. I on the other hand, don't. It's actually quite a nosy and personal question; akin to asking someone why they stopped at just two? Unlike Ruffles, I can have just one and for me there are a multitude of reasons- physical, personal and financial to name a few.
      On the phsyical side: because I don't want to go through pregnancy and labor again. Yes, my pregnancy was nearly text-book despite the fact that getting there wasn't. And labor was shorter than half of an average work day, however, I enjoyed neither. It's a complete crap shoot to say whether a second pregnancy would be the same- or worse. I'm thinking that two years later and closer to the big four-oh increases the chances of problems all around.
      I also was not comfortable with a newborn (and the newborn smell that everyone talks about is not the same one that I'm thinking of....). The comfort level obviously grew on me as I was able to do some on-the-job training but again, not wanting to pile more sleepless nights on top of the ones that we already get. (K slept so muchbetter a year ago than she does now- not quite sure why the return to 4 a.m. feedings?!)  And adding juggling the needs of a tiny newborn along with those of a very smart and active toddler in addition to a career and life just scares me. There are days that I feel stretched too thin as it is.
      I'm also not game for another two plus years of diapers. There is light at the end of this tunnel o' Huggies and I'm really looking forward to it. And speaking of Huggies- the expense of day-to-day care is something that we are really considering. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Child Rearing Calculator, and discount the cost of shelter (we've been here years prior to her!) and daycare, it costs us roughly about $15,000 a year to raise little K. That reflects 2009 numbers- I think it's safe to say it might be inflated a bit higher today in 2011, while our salaries aren't. And believe me, I try to save money in as many areas as possible where it doesn't affect health or safety! The calculator says that having a second child would double that; but even on the low side, I would guesstimate perhaps $22,500 for two children. Did I mention college? Even though hubby and I are proud owners of student loans (ha!), I do not want K to have to worry about that- we're stuffing as much 'extra' money into her college savings account (and our retirement funds as well) to plan for the future. 
     While larger families were very common to help with the division of labor years and year ago, the smaller family is becoming quite common when you consider metropolitan living and costs. Our family is normal! But I often hear the reaction that "you shouldn't do that to your child," when I answer the "Are you having another?" question. I shouldn't do what? I shouldn't provide her with as much love and devotion as possible? I shouldn't work hard to provide the best possible life for her and our family in the long run hopefully demonstrating a good life and work ethic? I get the 'sibling bond' argument, but I've seen that go either way-- while my two step-sisters are thick as theives;  a good friend is absolutely not a fan of her brother. And as far as her being lonely, between her Daddy and I and all of her family members, she is not lonely. Additionally, she knows how to independently play and is developing quite the imagination! K plays well with others and knows how to share- something that we are teaching her, not her learning from a sibling.
      If you are really curious as to why just K, I'm happy to tell you that I'd love to concentrate on creating and molding a selfless, talented, kind, gentle, creative, productive little girl; along with having a happy and relaxed Mommy and Daddy to raise her. But please don't make me have to debate with you why our choice is right for us...........

Date Night Makes Me Yearn for Balance

I had a date last night. With the refrigerator. Oh the joys of being a Mommy! Seriously, I felt like I was getting acquainted again with my kitchen today after spending the last month in between vacation, holiday and birthday celebrations, work and family outtings and just being plain too tired or busy. I would say that in the last six weeks, I've probably cooked a home-cooked meal not even a dozen times. Wow.      Fortunately, as a dual-income family, we can eat out (um, IHOP, anyone?) and it doesn't completely kill our budget, but it also doesn't help it. It also doesn't help the diet even though I try to make healthy selections. What bothers me most is the amount of food that I just had to throw into the garbage from cleaning out the fridge. A bag full, and I'm talking trashcan size, not a grocery bag. I'm mad at having to throw money away for no reason other than lack of preparation..... so irritated.
     I really do try to meal plan, but then the best laid plans..... it takes a lot of time to be prepared, and I feel like that is seriously lacking right now. I'd much rather spend those four hours (if that) every evening with my daughter playing, reading or cuddling and not cooking or cleaning. Unfortunately, a maid is not in the budget and reality sets in. I have to find a better balance between all of the domestic things, the work stuff, parenting (like that ever stops) and having extra time to do other activities that I enjoy, or even fit some sleep into the equation. I'm envious of those moms that can balance all kinds of shit with one eye closed and on bedrest; or those that have multiples plus- how do they make it look so easy? By no means am I comparing myself- I'm just coveting perception!
     Fortunately for our household, I'm not in this alone as my wonderful husband puts in his fair share- especially with the laundry (he runs out of underwear first!) but I would really like to get a better grip on the things that I personally handle.... I have a few ideas in mind, so I'm going to do a little 'workstudy' over the next few weeks.... and I'll definately keep you posted, but in the meantime, I'm open to suggestions!

Love, Laughs and Caffeine,
Carol

A Day Worth the Wait

Unlike most little girls my childhood wasn't spent playing with baby-dolls or planning a princess wedding. I was quite the Tom boy. I grew up an only child in a very, very small minuscule community in the Eastern Sierras ripe with lots of outdoorsy things to do. My two male cousins were my closest playmates and I could out-fish the both of them and my pet lizards were often bigger too! I ditched my first day of Kindergarten to go trout fishin' with great gran Hazel; you couldn't keep a pair of shoes on me to save my life and I even herded sheep once. It's pretty safe to say that other than dressing my faithful companion Bootsie up in a dress and wheeling him around in a stroller, I didn't particularly have a natural maternal streak.
     I'm sure that it wasn't a surprise to most of my close friends and family that I wasn't in a rush to become a mother. Someday, but it had to be with the right partner and not just for genetics sake- the PARTNER part of the equation was the kicker.
     Fast forward to my mid-20's when I began dating my husband and 'family talk.' Although he was definitely qualified as what I thought a partner would be, we agreed that a family was in our future just not the immediate one. It was important to have time just for 'us' prior to bringing a child into the relationship and enjoying life together first. And we did- and then building a family was taking more time than we had planned. I was longing to finally discover that materialistic instinct that I skipped over during childhood. I also started to resent Mother's Day (although I did try to compensate by celebrating with my beloved fur-baby and try to get away with not poop-scoopin' for the day... But those were the only presents she ever left for me! (How I miss that dog... Really. Really. Much.) The same went for Baby Showers and all things miniature. Not because I didn't want to be a mom but because getting to that point was so damn difficult.
      Friends and family were lucky to 'accidentally' get pregnant but for us it was so much planning and waiting. Pure joy when we had a positive test only to find that joy usurped by disappointment weeks later with a miscarriage- four times over. Nearly four long years later and after medical intervention and the hardest three hours and 56 minutes of my life, I was finally a Mom.
Today is my second official Mother's Day; I now get to enjoy the day with my family. I am so looking forward to celebrating all of the milestones and memories that I've been blessed with over the last 21 months. My life will undoubtedly never be the same- the dirty diapers, sleep deprivation, bottle washing, sippy cup retrieving, tear wiping and lullaby singing are all honorable tasks for my precious sweet daughter- and of course I wouldn't have it any other way. It was worth the wait......


Happy Mother's Day Fellow Mombloggers- I appreciate you reading and sticking with me!

 Love, Laughs and Caffeine,
Carol