Happy 3rd Birthday MiniLatte!!!!

My Dear Daughter;

This past weekend we were surrounded by your family and friends that love you to help celebrate the beginning of your third year of life. I was honored by their presence and am always in awe of the amount of people whose lives you have touched at such a young age.

Our family has been going through so much this year with serious health issues, loved ones passing- including the four-legged type, general stress and just life. Yet the one bright spot in all of this is YOU. How can a little one such as you make such an impression? With infectious giggles, a 10,000 mega watt smile, kind words and a hug- that’s how. I’d love to be able to take 100% credit for this but half of that also goes to your Daddy and then we also have to share some of that with the rest of the village that helps to raise you.  But you ultimately are the one who processes what we share with you and then constantly amaze us with your humor, wit and intelligence.  I know that you are thinking that’s what all parents have to say about their kids, but I have to disagree. You really are the best daughter anyone could ever hope for- and you are only THREE. I cannot wait to see what you do with the rest of your life with all of that charm! (that, you get from ME!)

To say that all of us rely on you for our happiness means that you have a mighty big job- one that you are completely oblivious to, yet you perform it so well.  Before you came earth side, I had no idea what being a mom was going to be like. I thought mostly about sleepless nights, diaper duty, cleaning up puke from my work clothes, and trying not to get a headache when you cried incessantly. And that was after the labor and delivery that I was PETRIFIED of.  Wow, could I have been more wrong.  What I didn’t realize was the immense amount of love that I would have for you the second that you were born (I won’t even hold it against you that I didn’t have time for an epidural) and that I would stand in front of a train for you.

 I think that I’ve had more sleepless nights in college and now, but not because of you, just because of life and trying to balance everything.  Diaper duty ended a few months ago- but I have to admit that your Daddy changed way more Huggies than I did however, I don’t miss those days.  (Well, just a little when I had time to gaze into your beautiful copper eyes and tickle your little feet…. Changing time was really a bonding time.  You weren’t a squirmy girl. And in fact, you were very easy going about the state of your diaper.) You didn’t really spit up on my clothes- you were a clean girl; however, I can do without your very trigger-happy gag reflex; I have cleaned up my fair share of toddler ‘spit out’ (as you call it) rather than baby regurg. And you aren’t a crier, never was. Such an easy going, sweet girl. Thank you for giving me a swift kick in the ass and changing my perception of motherhood.  (Your Grandma Linda was right that God wasn’t going to give me more than I can handle…. Well, with you, yes; with all the other shit, not so much!)  Even with labor- it was over so quick…. But, my dear, it isn’t true what they say, I haven’t forgotten the pain of the delivery- that’s another story. But you were worth every single little 45 second increment; and worth the four-year plus wait that it took to have you.

I can write forever and rave about your sweet personality and marvel at the stuff that comes out of your mouth.  It’s totally adorable (that might change in 13 years, but I’ll always have this to look back upon) and entertaining.  I’m not sure how you got to be so smart- you keep us on our toes, but your comprehension also makes our life easier.  On that note, don’t ever be afraid to be an intelligent woman.  Your beauty will get you noticed but your intelligence will help you accomplish whatever you want. Don’t be afraid to be successful.  Today you’re tackling 100-piece Princess puzzles and learning how to count in Spanish; tomorrow it will be quadratic equations and SAT vocabulary.  (Do they still give you 200 points for spelling your name correctly?)

You also love people. People love you.  From Nick at your swim school; your little friends;  to the grocery store clerks, you will dazzle them with your sqwunchy smile. These people right now are nice; not everyone is.  We will teach you how to differentiate between good, honest people and to listen to your intuition if you think someone is icky. I wish that I could shield you from the crap, but I won’t always be able to completely (but not from lack of trying!) but we will teach you how to overcome obstacles and adversity with grace and confidence and how to have a support team around to help you as life won’t always be easy.

Trust me, these past six months- outside of this house- have been hell on earth. Emotionally I am done, but I see you and I am reenergized. You give me hope on what the future holds for us. I love watching you experience things for the first time- a carousel ride, trick-or-treating, fireworks, the petting zoo, a piñata, new food- it’s really cool.  And then you also have gotten to see sadness when your Grandpa Jerry died and Grandma Helen was very, very sick. Everybody cried…. You gave us hugs and kisses and asked us if we felt better.  I’m glad we have been honest about our feelings and shared with you that it’s a part of life and doesn’t have anything to do with you.  You have become so empathetic and caring.  Perhaps not ideal to have to share this much sorrow with a toddler, but it’s real life.  I think it helps you to see that sadness doesn’t last forever and it’s okay to smile behind the tears. Thank you for being our little ball of therapy!

See, I could go on and on about all of the reasons why I love you so much. There are 400 million of them, if not more.  I promise you that will never change- except to grow exponentially more. All I ask is that you be true to yourself, that you are kind and honest, you use your manners and help those less fortunate than you. Daddy and I will in turn protect you as best as we can, provide for you opportunities for you to grow and love you unconditionally.  You may not always ‘like’ us, but know that we will always have your back. (When you don’t like us, it’s time to call in the grandparents….)

I want to close out by simply thanking you for making me a better person.  I feel more, love more, hope more and smile more because of you. 

With All My Love,

Mommy

 

Happy Birthday!

Do you know that I find my husband a little difficult to shop for?  Well, on a budget at least!  I'd love to get him a Garmin GPS watch for his running so he'll quit cursing at the dang Nike+ and his iPod but that's over $300....  actually Kiera and I would love to get him a new car along with free parking near his new office site, but again, not in the budget.  Of course I could get him something that I would love too- like a new SFR camera or big screen tv for the bedroom, but that's not exactly fair since it is HIS birthday, so I'm giving him the next best thing that money can't buy: his picture splashed all over the internet and professing my love so everyone else can read....  wow!  Now, that's a gift! ( ;

Happy Birthday Jason- thank you for being you: thank you for being a super wonderful dad to our wonderful little girl and thank you so much for choosing one of my favorite restaurants tonight for dinner!  I love you!  Now I just have 364 days to think of a fabulous present for your big FOUR-OH.....

Are You Freakin' Insane?

I think its official- I've lost it.  Thinking that I could singlehandedly pull off a First Birthday Party Blowout could've been one of my wackiest ideas ever.  So what's the big deal?  It's just a party. For a One Year Old.  Yes, but we have 65 people coming (only 21 children!)- it's almost as large as our wedding although thankfully not as expensive- yet.  (Just kidding, honey)  And I'm a corporate events planner.  It's a cinch planning a medical conference for 200 people, or an awards luncheon for 700;  however it gets mighty interesting when it's for your own little one and you want everything to be perfect. 

The invites were handmade (I just couldn't seem to find a commercial butterfly-themed one that I liked) and sent weeks ago; it was exciting to get the first non-family RSVP (they really like us!) and then I watched the list grow, and grow.  Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy that there are going to be so many people sharing in such a wonderful occasion for little Kiera.  It means alot to us.  It also means that the house has to be in tip-top shape, digging up enough seating and tables for everyone, and trying to NOT go overboard with the menu or the budget.

We're now at T-minus 31 hours until the big shindig; last night before bed I decided to glance at the "to-do" list one more time and had a coronary that I wasn't going to get it all done.  I popped a few Motrin (should've been a Valium) and decided to get to work- washing baseboards, sweeping- redecorating. REDECORATING???!!!  At 12:30 a.m. my insane twin decided that my house wasn't up to par and decided to re-hang and accessorize and move stuff around.  The list said: "Hang Kiera's Frame" not repaint the candle holders, et cetera.  I did get all of the blinds dusted, the cobwebs down, fixtures dusted though.  It was just accomplished on the Type-A side.

Who does this for a birthday party?  I Googled it and found out that I'm the norm and really NOT insane, just a bit of a Martha when it comes to entertaining.  (Don't worry, I am using disposables, but the all had to match and although it is burgers and 'dogs, I want to make sure they are super tasty.)  So, I'm off to go bake a cake, finish cleaning, wrap presents, get the guest room ready for mom and have a stiff drink.  Kahlua in the latte at 8:30 a.m. isn't frowned upon in some parts of the world........

Out With the Old... Buh Bye '09!

It’s December 31st, and with only a few hours left until we kick off the New Year, I have to say that 2009 was a very good year- despite a few down moments, it was mostly a wonderful year. And since 2010 marks a brand new decade (I know, I know- technically next year- but there’s no more “O’s” so it’s a new one!) , I also have to reminisce fondly upon the past 10 years and be thankful for all of the blessings in my life; mostly the sweet and adorable person peacefully sleeping next to me as I write this.


Ten years ago- 1999- was the beginning of my life as I now know it. After a sudden break-up with a boyfriend (coincidentally it was our one year anniversary and the same day that I had my wisdom teeth removed- how pleasant!), my step-mom had gently urged me to place an on-line dating ad. So, I did- without a photo. I wish I could remember what my ad said, but whatever it was, it elicited enough responses that took my BFF and I three entertaining hours to read (and delete!). One of those responses came from the moniker Snobrdn1 on 9/11/99 … “likes snowboarding… movies, PIZZA…jogging… loves children and considers family to be one of the most important things in life. Gainfully employed, a fellow student, loyal, good sense of humor, loves to laugh… lookin’ for a relationship and a best friend.” Hmm… interesting- fast forward to a few weeks and we actually met on 10/ 15. Unfortunately, the start to our relationship was rocky: I was working at a job that I hated… and was having some self-esteem problems- this contributed to me being unhappy with myself and not able to invest emotionally in the relationship. Jason stuck by me though and was my biggest cheerleader through job hunting, a brief illness and college graduation in 2000. We eventually moved in together in an apartment near my school and closer to his work in 2000.


2001 was a year to remember with happiness and great sadness: we got engaged; we bought our first house; Jason graduated from college; I lost my grandmother and grandfather on my mom’s side, and a cousin on my dad’s side within a few months of each other, I got laid off from my job shortly after; spent the summer on unemployment and finishing up a math class (so not math minded!) and found a new job. That was also the year of 9/11- and a terrible tragedy that will never be forgotten. I heard about it on the radio as I was on my way to work and called Jason to tell him to watch the news. The industry that I was working in was affected directly by it and I was laid off from yet another job…. and just when we thought our first Christmas in our new house was going to be pretty dismal, I started a great new job on December 18th (I’ve been there since!).


In 2002- March 23rd- we tied the knot and spent the following day at a Kings/ Lakers game (we have rival teams!), honeymooned in Vega$, bought a new (to us) car; Jason started a new job as a Systems Administrator…. it was a good year! The following years were spent getting into the grove of being a married couple, figuring out the extended family dynamics, becoming DIY home fixer-uppers (I found out I love painting!), watching friends come and go, traveling…. and we began trying to start our own family in 2004.


In 2005, we moved into our current house (around our wedding anniversary!), I started my Pampered Chef business- we were happy and busy. Work was going well for both of us and our relationship was definitely on solid ground, but that piece was missing. Unfortunately, we also experienced our first heartbreaking miscarriage and thus began the start of our infertility issues. It was even more so as we watched friends and family begin their own families. I became deniably and silently hostile towards those women lucky enough to have children, anti-baby shower…. It was hard but I only became aware of that several months ago as I look back. And each month that I had a visit from Aunt Flo I became bitterer and more frustrated. Our marriage held together even though I tried to emotionally withdrawn from the experience. The one positive aspect was that we could pick up and go on trips and little adventures whenever we wanted. I knew deep in my heart that Jason really wanted to experience these with a family of his own; I pretended that I didn’t care as it hurt my heart too much. The question on everyone’s mind, “When are you two going to have kids?,” was just too much…. We hadn’t really let anyone know that we were having problems conceiving and staying pregnant, and unfortunately the ‘trying’ part was starting to not be any fun either- it was just too much stress to deal with. Anyone who has had fertility problems will understand; and if you haven’t, be thankful for that.


I wish that I could point out some moments from 2005 through 2008 that were so wonderful that they overshadowed our problem. I can’t; we had fun and experienced a lot together but we wanted a baby. We started the process with our medical provider ten months before we got the results we wanted- it was a lot of classes, a lot of medical tests and medication, some humility but last year, we got our Christmas wish- on 12/27/2008, after two faulty pregnancy tests (mind you that we have spent a BUNCH of money on these!) the third one registered an answer- one that we were waiting for- two little lines. As exciting as it was, we had to wait three more weeks until our first ultrasound, and in January of this year, we got to see the strong little heartbeat of our child. It was amazing… but emotionally taxing to wait out the first trimester.


At 12 weeks- the odds of miscarriage drops significantly- we felt a bit more relief and finally delivered the news to our families. Each four weeks marked a new milestone and we became more excited over the prospect of FINALLY having our child. Fortunately, the pregnancy itself was uneventful, and when we found out on April 4th that we were having a girl, I was over the moon! So fast forward to August, and out pops little Kiera- and what a miracle and life changing event it has been. Our relationship has been tested through all of this and now we are rewarded and so much stronger for it- that is the silver lining that I can take out of the fertility experience. I also now have the gift of that experience and can be a shoulder to lean on for a very dear friend who is also going through the same thing right now… I would never understand the heartbreak had I not have gone through it myself. We also very much cherish every single moment that we have with Baby Kiera- she was worth the wait.


2009 marks the year that I had the best day of my life- August 18th to be exact. I am, though, looking forward to everything that the next year has in store for our family. We all have our health; we have jobs; despite the sharp drop in our equity, we have a home that we can afford and that finally does feel like home; we have food in our fridge and shoes on our feet; we get to share good times with great friends and family… we are blessed with what we need, and can even manage to afford what ‘want.’ It is a lot to be thankful for and to look forward to! Happy New Year Everyone…..

Wordless Wednesday- "KIERAsmas Present- Baby's First Christmas"

It's a Special Day

Ten years ago, we celebrated your first birthday together- we were both ‘starving’ college students and I couldn’t afford much of a birthday present for you: I think I gave you a Monopoly game, a shirt and a card and then I ‘cooked’ you a take & bake pizza. I’m not sure if we ever cracked open that Monopoly game (we still have it though!), but the pizza is long gone! A lot has changed since then: college graduations and successful careers, the Rams took a complete nose dive from Super Bowl champions (but I still love you!), we’ve now been happily married for nearly eight years, we’re in our second house together, I cook a lot more than take & bake pizza and one of the best changes is that we finally have a beautiful daughter we’ve dreamt about for so long. In as much has changed, just as much has stayed the same: you’re still a die hard Rams/ Lakers/ Dodgers fan, you can still eat pizza 24/ 7, we still have our ‘starter kids’- Shyner and Dusty (plus two more!), we love hanging out together doing absolutely nothing and you still are my favorite team mate.

I could say that my love for you hasn’t changed, but that actually isn’t true- I love you so much more than the day that we met at Starbuck’s for coffee (that you don’t drink!). We are just different enough to keep life interesting, yet we share so much that we naturally compliment each other. I could only hope that everyone else on the planet is lucky enough to meet someone like you; someone to stand on the sidelines and cheer them on; someone to pump them up before facing the challenging opponents, a team mate to block the tough tackles and someone to celebrate with after victories both large and small. It’s hard to imagine that I could love you more, but my heart fills with so much happiness and joy when I see you with Kiera. You are such a wonderful father to her even after just 13 short weeks; I so look forward to watching you enjoy her as she grows up. I’ve never seen you laugh so hard, smile so much or love so unconditionally as with your daughter and today on your birthday, it’s a gift that you give to me: memories that will never fade.

Thank you for being there for me through thick and thin these past 10 years, for making me a better person, for loving me, loving us and for just being Jason.   I hope that you enjoy your first birthday as a Daddy!  ( :

Go Team Waggoner!

Happy Birthday, honey!