I Am a Zoo....

I've progressed from being the walking science experiment to my very own private zoo. Do you know those little flip books that have the three little sections that you can flip around and make funny-looking characters? That's me when I look in the mirror!

• Duck- I waddle when I walk.... not by choice.. Quack, quack


• Whale- I am beginning to feel like a beached whale..... ugh and the baby is just starting to 'bulk' up for delivery!


• Orangutan- fruit- that is my craving- all the time- I therefore am a frugivore. Orangutans' diet is 65 to 90% fruit, I, however do not like bark. I also posess great intellect! LOL! BabyW is going to come out with seeds all over her, or DH says looking a bit like a Fruit-of-the-Loom character! LOL


• Cat- If only I could nap all the time (I envy that they can curl up in a little ball) and although not by choice am nocturnal


• Horse- Have to sleep standing up!


• Giraffe- I have to assume a giraffe pose to bend over to pick something up


• Elephant- Although it has only been 8 months, it feels as if it will be the elephants' standard 22-month pregnancy- hopefully BabyW will not weigh 250 lbs and be 32" long! Holy Animal Kingdom Batman!


• Gremlin- Feed me every two hours, but never, ever after midnite (heartburn!)..... and if I don't eat, and turn pregzilla- it's a bit like Spike and his bad gremlins have taken over!

But, please, don't mistake me for a PETTING zoo- do not touch the belly. I am not (although beginning to mildly resemble) Buddha and will not bring you good luck if you rub me.

Shopping While Pregnant Can Be Dangerous to Your Health...

It’s happened…. I knew it would, but that didn’t cushion the shock any less. I put on my favorite pair of denim shorts (to enjoy the toasty weather...of course I do have to say that the fact that we've had two days that were over 100 degrees in mid-May is not very comforting for someone that is going to go through high summer in their third trimester!) and I couldn’t fasten them- at all! The old rubber band in the button trick didn’t even work. Well, I could but breathing was completely optional then…. I’ve been able to wear most of my pre-preggo wardrobe up until now and have enjoyed “trying” out new maternity clothes (Mom says: “you’ll get sick of those soon enough, you should avoid them while you can.” Smart woman- hope BabyW takes after her!) From here on out, I have a feeling that my daily outfits will consist of those clothes that can fit my growing (and growing…) tummy. At least those clothes are cute, but I have to agree with mom at this point that I will be happy to ditch the maternity clothes soon enough. I read somewhere along the way (while I was still reading the pregnancy books- more about that later!) that you should just box up all of your ‘regular’ clothes and revisit them about four months after the baby is born. I’ve done that with most of my seasonal clothes in preparation for BabyW’s arrival. (The baby’s room is going to be in the room that was formerly another walk-in closet/ catch-all room since we moved into this house) But I wasn’t prepared to do that with the rest of my wardrobe; and my dear hubby would have to say that I am the Immelda Marcos of the clothes world. I love a good deal and hardly pay full price, but I never quite grasped that concept of the “one in, one out rule” with my purchases!




So this little run-in with my shorts…. I swear I didn’t shed a tear. Or even throw a pregzilla tantrum! It did mean one thing… shopping for shorts! To any normal woman, a shopping trip might be fun, but add on a few extra inches and hormones, and it’s a crisis. I couldn’t go for the maternity shorts though; the ‘secret hidden panels’ that really aren’t so hidden or secret are made out of polyester and is scratchy. Not to mention, if you throw bridal/wedding or maternity in front of anything in the retail world, it automatically jacks the price up 30%! I was on the hunt for cotton shorts with a stretchy draw-string waistband… I bought a pair at Kohl’s but after wearing them once, they definitely won’t fit the bill for the rest of the hot summer. So here comes the scavenger hunt: Old Navy- nope; Target- nope; Ross- uh-huh; same with Marshall’s, Wal-mart, or Gap. Aargh! You would think that I was looking for a freakin’ Christmas Tree in June! In comes the rescue call from BFF- Lane Bryant- duh! I’ve been shopping there for years! Thankfully there is a Lane Bryant outlet near my work and I finally found some that will work. Crisis averted.




Oh, I won’t even tell you how hard it was to find flat sandals for work- everything has a 2” heel right now. Like I said, shopping is not quite so fun when you’re pregnant unless it’s for baby clothes, but I’m so banned from that right now. BabyW already has three large storage tubs full of clothes- the kid is still in the womb and she’s better dressed that I am! ( :




<--- See, what looks "secret" about that panel? Ugh.

I'm Not a Pregzilla! I'm Not, I'm Not, I'm Not!

Last night I was recounting one of my few hormone-induced (or in this case, hunger) Pregzilla moments for my step-momster, and I had completely forgotten to post it to the blogosphere when it happened. Forgetfulness, that's another pregnancy-related symptom!

Now mind you that this moment happened in around Week 10 at the height of my morning sickness/ insomnia/ fatigue/ pukey stage; and that at that time I was living off of cereal, PB&J sandwiches and fruit smoothies. I woke up at 4 a.m. thinking about food: my trusty box of Sugar Smacks to be exact. (Side note: prior to becoming a Pregnant Chick, I used to follow a relatively lower-carb diet and stuck to the SpecialK with occasional Frosted Wheats- now my cereal is what I lovingly refer to as my kiddie cereal- the sweeter, the better- hence Sugar Smacks!) Although I was thinking about the cereal, it was definitely matter over mind, and I didn't actually go downstairs to go dish me up a bowl. Forward a few hours later to me leaving for work and preparing my little bowl of Sugar Smacks. Where ARE the Sugar Smacks? Did the cereal monster eat the last of it? It usually takes quite a bit to get me upset, but this was definitely on my short list of traumatic events. This is the message I left for DH: "I'm standing in the kitchen looking for my cereal and I know you ate it- why did you have to eat the last of my damn cereal? I've been thinking about it since 4 a.m.!" Okay, so, it was a bit more gruff and you could probably insert another expletive or two. Thank goodness that he didn't pick up the phone, and then again that part of the voicemail cut off.

But I'm still totally upset, so I call mom: "He ate all my *bleepin'* cereal!" No 'good morning' or 'how are you' just ranting about him eating my cereal. I can see her choking back laughter on the other end while she consoles me about this "horrible" situation. So what does Mom get me for Valentine's Day? TWO boxes of Sugar Smacks lovingly wrapped and mailed to me just in time for Cupids Day! LOL. It really is kind of funny now; but poor Jason probably won't eat the last of ANY cereal for the duration of my pregnancy without informing me in very large letters that he has done so! I’ve also promised him to keep these moments to a minimum, and so far half-way through have maintained that.