A Piece of My Heart Is Gone

I've always grown up around animals- dogs, cats, rodents, horses, a turtle, you name it- fur, feathers, fangs (well, can't say that I'm very comfortable around snakes...)- our family has always had a four-legged companion of some sort- currently two dogs and two cats.  One of the dogs, Shyner was the first "all my own" doggie. I found her in 1996- she ran out in front of my car as I was coming home from the gym. I tried to find her owner, but to no avail, so I took her home and that begins the story of Shyner, our sweet 15-year old mini- Dalmatian. She has been my faithful companion for over 14 years- all of my adult life- and I can't really remember life without her in it.... and it pains my heart to say that the story has sadly ended.  My "first-born" has earned her angel wings and the loss has hit us hard.  I know that some people would scoff at the loss of an animal- especially in comparison to the devestation in Haiti from last week's earthquake- but I don't care (what they think, not about the earthquake- that's also sad).  It's been a week (hence me also being blog-absent) and although I'm not crying as much these days, having to get over this just plain sucks.


It was wonderful to have such a sweet little dog with us as long as we did; and I've known that she wouldn't be around forever (I sometimes fantasized about Kiera being able to grow up with Shyner by her side...) but I was hoping that the life or death decision wouldn't be left in my hands.  I had always hoped that she might pass away peacefully in her sleep- I can't begin to tell you when I began checking for her breathing in the middle of the night...It was just plain shitty that I had to make the absolute hardest decision in my life; and although I know that it was a very humane one, I've spent the last few days second guessing it.  Jason and I had talked about what we would do is she just wasn't the 'same' anymore, and we'd always agreed that no matter how much the thought of losing her was, we had to do what was best for our fur-baby.

Her quality of life was slowly slipping downhill: we've had to help her up and down the stairs for a few months; when we woke up with Kiera in the middle of the night, we also made sure to wake ShynShyn up and let her out to do her "business" and most recently we've had to cordon her in one of our bathrooms in case she had any mid-day 'accidents.'  But, you should have seen her when you brought home a Scooby Snack from MickeyD's... her head had no idea that it was 15.... it was her heart and hips that were aging...and she certainly still had a puppy's appetite and you best count all of your fingers after you fed her a treat!!  When she was diagnosed with an enlarged heart last April, we had discussed that we would do whatever she wanted as long as it was fair to her and that we weren't keeping her alive just to spare us from dealing with the pain of the loss.  She put up a brave front day after day and we had the privelege of having another nine months with her, even after she ate an entire bottle of her heart medicine!!!


Last Thursday I let her out before I went to bed and stood behind her as we climbed the stairs- we always had to support her backside so that she could keep the momentum- her hips were weakening and couldn't support her entire girly figure.  She huffed and puffed her way down the hall and when she got to the end of our bed, she suddenly collapsed and went limp.  I thought that she had already died, but she came to about 45 seconds later... I yelled at Jason to wake up and quickly explained to him what had happened.  We knew that we had to take her to the vet, but having a baby takes a bit more planning even with a semi-emergency.  We were able to drop Kiera off at GrandmaK's house on the way (I didn't want to have to worry about her while we were there), and then made a detour to Carl's Jr. to treat Shynie to a late nite Scooby Snack.  I was holding her on my lap and she got excited once we pulled up to the drive in window- she knew that the order was for her: one plain and dry Happy Star. 


The nearly 20 minute drive to the vet seemed to take forever (although not as long as the drive home).  I was in a fog the entire time, so Jason had to do most of the talking.  Shyner sniffed her way around the lobby while we were waiting... I was hoping that it was a sign that she was going to be okay; I knew deep down that it wasn't the case, but hoped is the optimal word here.  It was after midnite once we got there (read: extra after hours charge) and the next hour also dragged on.  They put us in a room that was not at all like normal examination rooms- a very comfy couch for us, and a blanket on the floor for our old girl. The vet came in and listened to her heart and lungs and confirmed our worst fears, without costly (that wasn't the issue) and agressive treatment, she didn't have a good prognosis.  Belive me, it had nothing to do with the cost, it was the fact that whatever treatment was done, if she survived it, would only extend her life for a few months.  Putting my loyal friend through painful procedures wasn't going to be in her best interest. 


I wrestled with whether to be in the room with Shyner at the end or not and eventually decided to stay.  I thought about Marley and Me- I remember watching it in the theatre on Christmas Day, 2008 (and very, very early in my pregnancy!) and bawling my eyes out along with 100 other patrons and thinking about Shyner.  I knew that would be us someday.... The vet was right, it was as painless as could be and Shyner drifted off, finally able to run and hop and play again and eat all of the cheeseburgers that she wants.  After one last scratch of her velvety soft ears, I put her black and white and pink polka dotted collar in my purse and we left the hospital... alone.  I knew when we left our house a few hours before that there was a 95% chance that we would not return with her, but I still held out hope.  The drive home took what seemed like hours- the empty and dark freeway was a symbol for my heart.  We picked up Kiera from Jason's mom's house (although Karen offered to keep her overnight, I wanted to have her by my side to keep my mind off of Shyner) and went home.  My head ached nearly as much as my hear from crying... I took some medicine and crawled into bed, with the little bed next to mine now empty. 


Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well and I knew that I would be worthless at work so I took a personal day.  I was relieved to have a four day weekend to mend my broken heart..... unfortunately even some retail therapy didn't work.... I was just too raw. Waking up to Kiera flashing me her sweet little smile helped a little, as did holding her tight, but it has been a long week.  Every day I've cried a little less... I thought that I would make it though Wednesday tear-free but there was a condolensce card in the mail from Shyner's regular vet- very sweet, but oh my gosh..... and even today, we got another card, this one from the emergency vet where we hugged our little Dalmatian one last time. It's taken me the entire week to write this blog entry-  it's hard to type through tears.  Shyner is the third pet that we've lost in less than a year- and although BooBoo was a hard one, this one is twice as hard.  It's been hard seeing the other pets mourn her as well- Dusty has been sleeping in her bed and Cynnie, despite the fact that we thought they weren't the best of friends, has lost her appetite, and has been moping aroudn the house for days. It's hard to explain to them what happened.... we'll all heal together.


Pretty soon we'll laugh at all of the memories of her intead of cry.  We aren't planning on getting another dog for awhile- when Kiera is older maybe... when ever that is, there will never be another Shyner.  I hope that she is happy now, wagging her tail and doing that crazy Dalamatian smile thing.  We'll miss you so much Shyner- you were the best dog ever. 

The Rainbow Bridge

inspired by a Norse legend


By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.
For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.
No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.
They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.
For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
The time of their parting is over at last.
The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.

We'll Miss You Chinney!

Five months to the day that we lost our BooBoo kitty, we’ve lost another one of our furkids- our little chinchilla, Ramsey, died this morning. We’re not quite sure what happened- he was fine earlier this week; didn’t look very well yesterday morning but when we took him out to play with him after work he was acting normal.

We adopted Chinney (his nickname!) from a local breeder in the area- Chins 2 Go (if you ever go to the Furs & Feathers exhibit at the State Fair, she is the one that is always there with her chins)- three years ago. This is the second chinchilla that I’ve had; they are pretty easy pets to take care of, but purchasing them can be a bit expensive. They are good cage pets because they have a longer life span than most rodents and are extremely social, easy to take care of, clean and even trainable. The only downfall, if you can call it that, is that you have to take great care to ensure that they don’t get too warm in the summer- they have very dense fur that will cause them to overheat above 90◦. The dense- but super soft- fur is also the reason that they have to have regular ‘dust’ baths.




Because he was a rescue, we got a good deal on him and all of his supplies. Best of all, he was a great pet- a rodent with personality! ( : He was very social and loved his raisins and dust baths! If he felt like he was being ‘ignored’ (we kept him in our home office) he would chirp to tell you to come visit him.




Pets of any type add a special ‘something’ to our lives. I’ve always been a pet lover and have had my share of animals since I was a little girl. A chinchilla isn’t like a cat or dog where you can get super-attached to them, but losing a pet is still sad. Unfortunately, that is part of being a pet owner- knowing that one day you’ll have to say goodbye. Chiney, like the rest of our animals, was spoiled rotten! Someday we will get another chinchilla- probably when BabyW is older and we’re comfortable with parenthood- that’s another journey all on it’s own.




Rest in peace little Chinney dude!

Shyner Dog, Part Five and First Bad Mommy Freakout

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"I can't believe I ate...the... whole... thing..."









So, my sweet little first born doggie: AKA: Princess Conehead (that was from ear surgery. each. ear. surgery.!); Stinky; Shynnie Shyn; the Scavanger... yes, the Scavanger. Despite her petite 34# frame, she has a tendency to take off a finger or two during treat time! And she also thinks that everything left at her level is yummy. (The package of tissue paper 'snow' was very fun to clean up.) Always has- that's when I first knew Jason was a keeper-Shyner got into a box of chocolate-covered cherries and ate the entire thing- and then decorated my nice white carpet- but he helped me clean it up! ( ;







On Wednesday, I was running late for work and didn't pick up the bottle of medicine on the ground. "It's medicine, in a child-proof bottle that I have a hard time opening with my opposoble thumbs!/ I have to smear peanutbutter on it to administer it to Shyner anyways/ Oh, it hurts to bend over..." Big Mistake. Very Expensive Big Mistake. Poor Furbaby. Poorer Parents, literally. Don't remind me, I feel bad enough as it is. Thanks.







It's now 5:30 p.m. and Jason calls me and wants to know how many pills were in the bottle- I don't freakin' know- I'm not there! Why? There are piles of puppy purge everywhere and an EMPTY bottle with the lid chewed off in the middle of the living room. Ugh. This is also the $75 bottle of Vetmedin- her heart medicine. I get home a few minutes later to less of a mess than he did (thank you, honey!) and immediately called the vet from the VIP Batphone which we have a personal number to because we are such great customers. HA HA. Of the three medicines that she is taking, this is the one that is extremely toxic in any doses other than the prescribed one- which is 1/2 a pill, twice a day. I deduced that she ate, oh, about 25!!!!!!! So I rush her off to the 24-hr emergency vet that is 15 miles away during the height of rush hour. (Did I mention that being pregnant makes my blood boil when I drive?) Oh the way there she is shaking and having a hard time breathing. DogMom is crying. It's not a good scene.







Once I get to the vet, they take her back and I wait, and wait. The vet, who is super sweet, comes out and says that she has to call Animal Poison Control and needs my credit card for the $85 consult that APC charges. Lovely. It takes over an hour for the evaluation before the vet comes out to tell me that she's sick. DUH. Well, that's how I translated it- I was upset, and I'm nearly 6-1/2 months pregnant (= emotional!) so I couldn't really tell you what she said. "Heart pumping faster, blah, blah, constricting blood vessels, yada yada, IV, charcoal...overnight stay.... $$$$$$" I had Jason call her back when I was on my way home so he could here the verdict straight from her. Basically: she's a senior dog with a bad heart- if she makes it through the night- which is very, very likely because she apparently ate the pills earlier and had passed the four hour peak of the effects- she'll be fine. (I think she had a really good trip for lunch!) Needless to say it was still very upsetting and I feel totally guilty for it (will I be a bad mom? wait, don't answer that...) and we are much, much lighter in our bank account (this is on top of the $700 or $800 we just spent on her 30 days ago. Ugh.). I didn't sleep very well on Wednesay night- it was a bad day (thank you Lakers for winning so at least Jason could have some happiness... did I really just say that?). Shyner is just fine. She is a very, very strong pup with a big heart and a strong will to live! She's spoiled and knows it! She's also very priceless- really priceless- I shudder when I try to add it up, so just take my word for it!







Moral of the story: Slow down; if pets or kids think it looks like fun and probably know they shouldn't get into 'it,' they will, so put it away... okay, maybe I will be a good mom......

All's Well in BabyW Land!

Today’s OB appointment was without incident- despite my fear of the scale! This one was with my OB (every other appointment is with a Nurse Practitioner)- both of which I love. I have to admit that I was not so pleased with his lack of concern of our fertility issues, but he’s a ‘by the book’ kind of doc; however with our last and thank goodness, final miscarriage, he went out and talked to Jason and personally called to check on me the next day. I was impressed by that. Other than his insistence that I was to not gain any weight with the pregnancy, we like his personality and bedside manner very much.




Because everything is progressing smoothly, I’m relieved to have avoided the dreaded stirrups or lab tests this visit! I will have to go and do a glucose test in a few weeks and hope that my sugar levels are still good.
The fear of the scale was moot- doc even added that I’ve lost about four pounds since my last visit. That was a shock since I’ve nearly single-handedly polished off a whole lemon meringue pie within the last week, and dinner last night was very diet friendly (ha!) Mizithra Cheese and Butter from the Spaghetti Factory. Well, how can we resist their 40% off anniversary prices on Tuesday’s???




BabyW was in a feisty mood today; especially active after the doctor’s appointment- showoff! Her heartbeat was 149- good and normal and her average for each time we’ve gotten to hear it. They gave me a card to start recording her movements beginning at 28 weeks. I think that we could start that now! I’m happy to say (knock on wood!) that the pregnancy is so far uneventful and healthy- the only downside to that is we won’t get to see anymore ‘medically necessary’ pictures of BabyW. We are going to do the 3D ultrasound after 28 weeks (mid-June) so don’t fret, she will still make at least one more appearance before her arrival in early September!
The next regular appointment is another 3 weeks, and then we have classes. Oh, do we have classes! We had to take a few to get pregnant during fertility; and then an early pregnancy class; and at least three more before the end of July. I have to take more classes to have this little baby girl than I did to get my degree! I like to make the best of every situation, so they will probably be interesting; and they’re mostly free. Actually most of the prenatal appointments have been (thank you health insurance!) free….




We rounded out the evening by finishing the registry at Target (more free schwag at Target- an itty bitty diaper; samples and such. Love FREE(, book shopping- I love book stores; and starting to put a dent in the pile ‘o stuff that is in my former ‘walk-in closet” now the baby’s room! Oh, yes, this is where we got to try out SpaceBags- and the jury is still out. If they have still not expanded in the a.m., I’ll be satisfied…..




I’ll sign off with updated information about Shyner dog- she had a visit to the vet yesterday (and got a bit spoiled with a picnic in the park with mom and dad!) and was given a clean bill of health. As clean as our little old and stinky girl can get! She will remain on medicine for the rest of her little life; but if not for the coughing and wheezing that brought her into the vet, she wouldn’t have the medicine to help her stay healthy for whatever time she’ll be here! Your positive thoughts worked! ( :

Please Think Postive Thoughts! !!!UPDATED 5/14/09!!!

*****Update 5/14/09: Shyner dog had a visit to the vet on the 12th (and got a bit spoiled with a picnic in the park with mom and dad!) and was given a clean bill of health- well as clean as our ol' little stinky pooch can get! She will remain on heart medicine for the rest of her little life (and of course it is an animal formulary, not human so we can't get it at WallyWorld!) so that her big heart doesn't have to work so hard. We are fortunate that a completely different illness prompted us to get her to the vet with the coughing and wheezing as the medicine will help her to stay healthy and comfy for whatever time she decides to honor us with her presence! Your positive thoughts worked! ( :





****** Update 5/06/09: Shyner is a priceless dog. Literally. Between two ear surgeries, a few emergency visits, etc., we are VIP's at the vetrinarian's office! Her ultrasound determined that she had an enlarged heart (we always knew she had a big heart!) that was most likely caused by the heart murmur that she has had for years and years. She also had a touch of pnemonia. She is now on three different medicines- an antibiotic, a diuretic and heart medicine and seems to be fine. We were able to get human-equivalents of most of the meds so we could fill them at Wal-Mart (!) and we shopped online to find the other for about $30 less than at the vet's office. She isn't coughing anymore, and seems to be pretty much her old self. So, with a littl luck, a whole lotta love and some divine intervention, hopefully she'll be around to welcome her little sister into the world and watch her grow a few years.





****** Update 4/28/09: Shyner has another 'doctors appointment' tomorrow morning to have an ultrasound done on her heart. At this point she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. The medicine that they administered to her yesterday definately helped her breathing improve and she is no longer wheezing & coughing. She actually is acting like her old self, just a bit slower- and still the gas-makin' machine as she was before (we don't call her Stinky for nothin'!). The vet said that if heart medicine is a possibility, she would be with us for awhile still. As long as she isn't in any pain and her quality of life is still good, we're going to keep pulling for her. (Thank goodness for a good tax return!)


I've been absent from the blog world for awhile- it's been busy around our house. Mom is visiting, work is busy, trying to get organized and such. Things are good- in fact we've had another doctors appointment and an ultrasound on Thursday and it was good- those pictures will be updated soon as well. My hiatus will end shortly I promise, but in the meantime, I have a little request.

Please keep our little Shyner in your thoughts- she is very, very sick right now and she could either improve or not. What started out as coughing has progressed to a very sick puppy. The vet has released her into the care of Gramma H so that she can try to get better at home. Although Shyner has lived a nice long and spoiled life, I'm not quite ready to deal with the loss of yet another beloved part of the family. We appreciate it and I'll update you on Shynie and BabyW soon.

Pic of the Day: Best Friends

My 'first born' old girl, Shyner was a stray that I found back in '96- she came running out of a neighborhood and rolled under my car. Despite efforts to find her owners, I never did, so we adopted eachother! I think she was around 1y/o or so, and she was kind of skittish but very sweet. At the time, I lived with a roommate and his dog so she had companionship most of the time. The next year when I moved out on my own to my dad's rental, it was discovered that Shyner suffered from separation anxiety, and since my commute + work + school kept me out of the house most of the time, I decided to get her a 'buddy.' Actually it was a fluke, former roomie above brought to me two kittens- Rusty and Dusty. Shyner thought they were her babies! (Rusty ran away about 8 months after I got him, but Dusty is still alive and well!) Needless to say, Dusty and Shyner are best buds- the cat seems to like her more than us! ( :

Last night we were having 'family time' and this is the result. How cute is this? Shyner's head is resting atop Dusty! I couldn't resist snapping a photo from my cell phone to share.