(I'd prefer to title this My Life is a Shitstorm, but to avoid being moderated I decided to use some filter)
There are not enough martinis or lattes to help me through the hardships that has fallen upon my family.
Trust me, I'm not a 'woes me' kind of girl and am one to tend to see the glass as half full but there's just a point in your life where you have to say ENOUGH. I'm waving the red flag now, unfortunately, my surrender will have to wait a bit longer.
My mom has been hospitalized with a long-term illness since March 7th- nearly two months of daily hospital visits and holding my breath whenever the phone rings. For the most part the journey has been emotionally taxing, not to mention one that took a toll on my job, my home-based business, my husband, my daughter, my friendships and even my health. It's been a roller-coaster ride that I would very much NOT like to repeat in this lifetime; unfortunately it's getting worse.
I underwent my very first invasive surgery last week (the same day mom had a tracheotomy!)- had to have a cholecystectomy- a fancy medical term for gall bladder removal. Okay, so I wasn't even quite sure what a gall bladder did until it kicked me in the ass, er, rib cage a few weeks ago. I was leaving the hospital after visiting with Mom and had the inclination to walk myself into the ER on my way to the parking lot, but that hospital wasn't my provider. After agonizing at home for a few hours, and a call to the advice nurse, we dropped Mini off at the grandparents and went to the ER. The nurse called it on the spot- I guess fluffy (not so much anymore) white females of childbearing age present for gall bladder disease quite commonly. I thought I was going to give birth again. Quite painful. After a five hour stint, I was released with pain meds and a follow-up appointment for an ultrasound. The ultrasound did in fact determine that I had gall stones and would need a surgical follow-up. Fortunately, I wasn't harboring an infection and didn't need emergency surgery, but would have to watch my diet.
This is something that is normally caused by a fat-laden diet, which mine is not. I am not a fast-food junkie- my idea of fast food is in fact Subway.... well there is that pregnancy craving of an occasional crumb cake donut- so what if I've had 32 months to do so. I suspect that it was a rapid weight loss with the stress of my Mom's medical situation that caused my gall bladder to produce enough stones to fill up more than half of its capacity. Meanwhile, I've been off of my feet to recover and Anti-latte had to fill in my spot to go visit my mom, and his step-dad and take care of Mini and take care of me. I swear that I was as low maintenance as possible. Even after the second 11-hour ER visit (long story- I'm fine, but a bit pissed at said hospital's lack of ultrasound techs during the night shift). I'm recovering although a bit slower than I had hoped- I suspect an inordinate amount of stress has been a factor. What's more stressful than a loved one being hospitalized and undergoing the knife yourself? Oh just a the fact that I hate CANCER.
My father-in-law has been battling a very nasty bout of pneumonia, well, since my mom was hospitalized, actually, and an infection on top of that. He visited my mom at the hospital when she was on her deathbed and it prompted him to quit smoking cold turkey. Between being ill and the smoking cessation patch, he has been really miserable and after several weeks and numerous doctors appointments, he has been diagnosed with lung cancer. After his initial diagnosis he had to wait for almost two weeks to meet with an oncologist to find out that it was Stage 4, and that is had spread to his liver, lymph nodes and more. As I write, Anti-latte and his mom and other family members are awaiting a visit from the hospital chaplain to discuss the plan to discharge his to hospice to live out his final days. We thought it would be months, but there's a chance that it could be just hours..... so fast. It was like he was playing with Mini one day and unable to walk the next. Now he is suffering and everyone sits by to support him. It's torturous. I love this man and know how the family feels- the waiting and pleading is all too fresh in my memory from seven weeks ago. Now we just hope that with enough medical intervention, they can keep him comfortable. We'll surround him with all the love that he needs while we await him earning his wings. I know that Mini will miss him dearly and we'll ensure that she won't forget the man who claims that she has his eyes.... (um, no, but it was always a source of laughs at family get togethers.)
This presents an additional problem with child care as they were my main providers- we can wing it for the next week while I'm on medical leave and then have to figure out what to do next. Mini's grandmas' #1 priority should be caring for her husband... I think I have it figured out, but it's yet another stressor to deal with.
And if that isn't quite enough to make anyone crazy, there's more. We've had two other family members who had to make ER visits within the last 12 hours; and my mom was moved to another care facility that is a 40-minute drive away. It's a step-down rehab unit to prepare her for surgery, still a hospital, but the drive is going to be so very inconvenient. I used to work out that way and don't look forward to the daily commute, but we do what we have to do. It's just another wrinkle.... as usual, I'll iron it out..... your good vibes and prayers are much appreciated.
This Mommy Runs on Caffeine
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
April 27, 2012
April 14, 2012
Day 38: Jinxed
We have a running joke around our house to not bring attention to the fact that things are going well.... like, "I haven't gotten sick all year...." "I haven't missed one green light yet," the instant you say it, it happens. The next day you awake with a scratch throat, or you hit the next 10 signals red, red,red. Jinx.
I jinxed it- the earlier post about mom doing so well completely went sideways. I recived a call this morning around 8:30- when the 231 prefix comes up it always makes my stomach drop.... and sure enough..... Mom became unresponsive this morning and they called a Code Blue to revive her. (I hear these every day at the hospital--- it makes me sad especially when the next intercom page is followed by one for a chaplain.) She recived CPR and needed to intubate her yet again- if you're counttingg, this time makes four.
Back to square one: arterial line; feeding tube; monitors; back in the Cardiac ICU. The diagnosis from today is that she aspirated on her own saliva and began choking; with her already in a precarious condition with her lungs,this caused her to stop breathing and then her heart stopped beating. Fortunatley she didn't have to be shocked..... if there is anything fortunate in this situation.
Her lungs are in really bad shape- from the COPD and pulmonary edema. For this reason alone, she may not be a candidate for heart surgery, ever. But they said we'll have to wait out the next 24 to 72 hours. That must be the standard response as I am having a vivid flashback to March 8th when I first heard that her condition was grave. She pulled through that time- I hope that her has the fortitude and heart to do it once again..... and that I can stand by patiently watching. This is so. flipping. hard. I'm surrounded by a team of very supportive people to help me through this and the only person that I want to go running to right now is my Mom..... so ironic. I can hear her telling me, "Oh babe, I'm so sorry that you are going through this." She wasn't really one to offer unsolicited advice but she sure is a great listener. Amazingly so. She's always been that way. And offers up a funny one liner in that charming sense of humor of hers to make you laugh and temporarily forget about your troubles.
I wish that I could remember more now to get me through
I am so, so glad that we took MiniLatte to see her on Thursday. She looked amazing and un-alarming so MiniLatte was happy to see her Grandma and vice versa. A bright spot Im sure. My intentions are also to reminder her what she has to fight for-- to see this wonderful little girl grow up. She will get to see that. She has to, I can't imagine my life without my Mom.
The next few days are going to have some sleepless nights attached to them and I know that the walk from the parking garage is going to be tortuorously long enough for that enormous lump to appear in my stomach as I fear what I'm going to walk into......
Day 37
A glimpse of 'before' Mom today. Before the heart 'incident' that has so turned my world upside down. She was sitting up in a chair when I walked into the room this afternoon and gave me a big smile when she saw the vase of one dozen pink roses that I brought for her; she can have flowers now that she has been transferred to a Progressive Care Unit instead of the ICU. "Oh, babe, they're beautiful...." she whispers and then her head drops down to her chest. Speaking four words takes an unimaginable amount of energy for someone who's been hospitalized for so long.
Forming each word, let alone a sentence is something that you or I may take for granted; even the simple act of sitting upright in a chair or brushing your teeth may seem so mundane. For Mom, they're tasks that must be thought out and deplete all of the energy from an already-taxed body. She has not suffered any neurological damage during her hospitalization, however the large amounts of sedation has made talking quite the chore. Walking is another story- she has lost most of her muscle tone and cannot support herself in an upright position sitting. Yes, she was sitting in a chair today, however she was secured to the chair with a Posey belt with an attendant not too far away. The 90-minutes of sitting left her spent- which is actually a good thing as she might get some much needed rest and will not suffer from anxiety the rest of the day.
We found out yesterday that she is weeks away from the heart surgery that she needs to replace the valves. She won't survive it in her current condition- it is a surgery that a somewhat healthy person will have problems recovering from so that option is completely off of the table. The surgeons are going to reevaluate her each week; the nurses and support team will be providing her with aggressive therapy to help get her on the road to recovery much faster. "If it were my mom, I wouldn't do it," states the surgeon. I understand that and appreciate that- I just wanted the doctors to be straight with me. Her primary pulmonologist and cardiologist weren't telling me part of the story- for each internal organ that is not working correctly, it lessens recovery by 25%. With low functioning lungs, hear and liver, there's only a 25% chance of recovery at this point- wait it out and odds will improve.
Fine, we'll wait this out day by day. In the meantime, try to provide her with the moral and emotional support that she needs to cope with her new 'living arrangements' (at least it's a private room!) and be her advocate. I'm so thankful that an acquaintance is actually an RN in that unit and has called dibs on my Mom whenever she is on shift. She's a great nurse and takes extra special care of mom and goes the extra mile for us. Another little blessing in this adventure- I'll take each one that we find! Especially because things are so difficult.... trying to return to some sense of normal at home outside of the hospital. We'll see- it will have to be after my own surgery (yeah, really- I have to have my gall bladder removed- nice timing, eh?) next week. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention this is on top of the news that a very close family member has been diagnosed with lung cancer (nameless right now as most of the family doesn't yet know); and my 93 year-old paternal grandfather is currently in hospice care with bladder cancer. This year has been a dozy--- that's why we are just surviving life one day at a time right now. We're not the first, nor will be the last, family to overcome adversity but sometimes it's a lonely journey......
Forming each word, let alone a sentence is something that you or I may take for granted; even the simple act of sitting upright in a chair or brushing your teeth may seem so mundane. For Mom, they're tasks that must be thought out and deplete all of the energy from an already-taxed body. She has not suffered any neurological damage during her hospitalization, however the large amounts of sedation has made talking quite the chore. Walking is another story- she has lost most of her muscle tone and cannot support herself in an upright position sitting. Yes, she was sitting in a chair today, however she was secured to the chair with a Posey belt with an attendant not too far away. The 90-minutes of sitting left her spent- which is actually a good thing as she might get some much needed rest and will not suffer from anxiety the rest of the day.
We found out yesterday that she is weeks away from the heart surgery that she needs to replace the valves. She won't survive it in her current condition- it is a surgery that a somewhat healthy person will have problems recovering from so that option is completely off of the table. The surgeons are going to reevaluate her each week; the nurses and support team will be providing her with aggressive therapy to help get her on the road to recovery much faster. "If it were my mom, I wouldn't do it," states the surgeon. I understand that and appreciate that- I just wanted the doctors to be straight with me. Her primary pulmonologist and cardiologist weren't telling me part of the story- for each internal organ that is not working correctly, it lessens recovery by 25%. With low functioning lungs, hear and liver, there's only a 25% chance of recovery at this point- wait it out and odds will improve.
Fine, we'll wait this out day by day. In the meantime, try to provide her with the moral and emotional support that she needs to cope with her new 'living arrangements' (at least it's a private room!) and be her advocate. I'm so thankful that an acquaintance is actually an RN in that unit and has called dibs on my Mom whenever she is on shift. She's a great nurse and takes extra special care of mom and goes the extra mile for us. Another little blessing in this adventure- I'll take each one that we find! Especially because things are so difficult.... trying to return to some sense of normal at home outside of the hospital. We'll see- it will have to be after my own surgery (yeah, really- I have to have my gall bladder removed- nice timing, eh?) next week. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention this is on top of the news that a very close family member has been diagnosed with lung cancer (nameless right now as most of the family doesn't yet know); and my 93 year-old paternal grandfather is currently in hospice care with bladder cancer. This year has been a dozy--- that's why we are just surviving life one day at a time right now. We're not the first, nor will be the last, family to overcome adversity but sometimes it's a lonely journey......
September 9, 2009
Three Weeks Already?????
The first day we had Kiera home, we actually had to take her to meet her pediatrician. Thank goodness Grandma H reminded us to take the DIAPER BAG!! (Mommy needs to make a 'leaving the house' checklist!) Her one day check up was fabulous, and even better- we love, love, love her pediatrician! (Until she sticks the poor kid w/ a needle, I'm sure!) Unfortunately, I left my beloved cell phone in one of the bathroom stalls and it disappeared with some 'lucky' (and dishonest- karma is a beyotch) individual (my mom turns over $1000 and someone won't turn in a phone?).... anyways, we also picked up two more bases for the travel system at a consignment store for a steal- only $15 each and then the donut store next door (no, cravings do NOT end once you have the baby- ha!). (As for the cell phone? Well "Daddy" was nice enough to buy "Mommy" an iPhone for my 'push' present- yay!)
We are adjusting more and more every day to life with an infant; and for new parents we aren't doing so badly. I read in one of the six or so books on "The First Year" that as long as the house is still standing and the baby is breathing, is fed and changed, you are doing okay. Not only is the house still standing, but it is semi- clean (as of today, and my dear, dear step-momster has even offered up her cleaning lady once a month to help out- bless her!), and Jason and I are also fed, changed and breathing- so we're batting 1,000! It has certainly helped that we have had a third set hands around from either my Mom or another family member nearly every day.... I highly recommend that any new parent willingly and gratefully accepts any offer of help from anyone kind enough to do so.
August 28, 2009
The Birth Day
So, it’s been 10 days since the birth day, and it has taken that long to complete this post- between the baby, recovery and catching up on sleep, it’s actually been a very short week. And just a note: I’ve tried to refrain from “too much information,” but this is a realistic story about my labor so don’t say you weren’t warned! ( :
Our long awaited special delivery arrived with great fanfare, drama, and of course much earlier than expected…. Even after having this time to reflect on it, it seems so surreal and I wish that there would have been something to record each second of the special day (night).
On Sunday (the 16th), I had a mad case of “nesting” going on…. I totally cleaned and scrubbed the refrigerator, vacuumed my bedroom with our new Dyson Animal (I think I might have vacuumed up a small animal in the process), laundry; AND then Mom and I went to the Bay Area for a Toby Keith and Trace Adkins concert. I know.. I know… I’m nine months pregnant… but they were THIRD ROW seats and so worth it! ( :
So waking up on Monday after only five hours of sleep and being grumpy and feeling like poo was more attributed to a late night at the concert than what might have been early signs of impending labor. It was my first day of Maternity Leave so since I had time on my hands, Mom and I went and got mani/pedi’s (thank goodness for pretty toes during labor!) and then lunch and shopping at Old Navy for a nice girls afternoon out! I also had a regularly scheduled 37week pre-natal appointment later that afternoon and Jason took off early to take me.
For some reason, I had a feeling that this would be my last appointment! The Nurse Practioner- whom I love- said that my cervix was 100% effaced (thinned), but not dilated, and that she was at 0 Station (situated low in the pelvis- the right position for delivery) and was measuring between 38 and 40 weeks; heartbeat was strong and that she could literally come anytime. HA HA- little did we know. During this exam they also took labs in preparation for delivery- more about this later. Jason was reading in the little newsletter that they give us that the exams could possible cause labor, so I thought it would be fun to walk down all of the stairs on the way to the car.
After every appointment, we have, er, had a ritual to go to RiteAid and get ice cream cones…(mad cravings for Chocolate malted crunch for the last 6 weeks!) well this particular store was going out of business and although the ice cream counter was closed, everything in the store was marked 50% off. Believe it or not, I was not in the ‘shopping mood’ so we left and went to the grocery. That is when my contractions started… but they felt like the ‘regular’ Braxton- Hicks contractions that I’ve had for weeks and weeks. They didn’t hurt, and were irregularly spaced so I thought it was another practice trial. Here’s where things start getting weird: at the grocery store, I decided that I wanted to have BLT’s for dinner- remember this is coming from the preggers chick that hasn’t really ate meat for months and months- at least I went for the turkey bacon! So Mom made dinner and I ate a whole sandwich and corn on the cob- a very big dinner for me in my present state (perhaps a subconscious note to self to consume fuel for labor??). After dinner, Jason and I went for a walk with the dogs and my contractions became pretty regular- about 6 minutes apart- but not much stronger than before. And Cynnamin- our chow/ Sheppard mix dog- who usually is a very excited walker, stayed by my side the whole time. When we got home I had a pretty brutal contraction; I decided to go and sit on the balance ball in the shower. The hot water felt really good on my back and also on my stomach when I did have a contraction. At this point I am still thinking that it might be Braxton-Hicks and I was looking forward to laying down for some rest. Right before I shut the water off, I told Jason that he might not be going to work in the morning…. HA! So, I stand up and shut to water off and I feel a pop down 'there' and then a trickle of hot water down my leg…. Was it from the shower? “Um, Jason, I think that my water just broke.” This was about 11:55 p.m. And then the next contraction nearly brought me to my knees it hurt so bad- and then I started crying. The reality set in - my water broke, and I was going to have a baby- soon. Jason helped me to the bed and then he called Kaiser Labor & Delivery for me- I couldn’t talk through contractions. Even though my contractions were irregular, they told us to come in if my water had broken and they would check me. I called Leah, my back-up labor coach, and then it was time to go to the hospital. Although I had had all of my stuff ready to go for the hospital in one area, with the exception of the car seat installed, so Mom and Jason got it all ready and loaded into the car- meanwhile, I managed to get dressed while having about 4 more contractions.
The ride to the hospital seemed like it took forever- between nasty speed bumps that seemed the size of mountains near our house, to a seat belt that felt like a vice when each contraction hit and trying to find some ‘zen’ music on the XM… I also noticed the little clock on the satellite receiver and my contractions were nearing five minutes apart. Thank god for no traffic at midnight and a relatively quick trip. I was whisked into the Triage area of the hospital (green light line pass through security- wahoo!) and asked to sign here, print here and produce a urine sample. Holy Mother of Bambi, these contractions hurt like hell… I have no idea how much actually made it in the cup….
Room One was going to be my domain for awhile. I put on the customary arse-baring gown as well as an ace-bandage like band around my stomach to hold the monitors and tried to get comfy in the bed. When I get settled, I see the clock says 12:50 a.m., and then if, big, if, my water didn’t break at home, it certainly just did…. About 15 minutes later, Jason and my Mom make it in to the room, which is getting smaller and smaller with each contraction and practioner that walks in. I’m hooked up to four different monitors, and a faulty blood pressure cuff that keeps getting stuck on constrict when it goes off every 15 minutes- which is about every third contraction.
Jason kept himself busy watching the monitor for the baby’s heartbeat and the contractions- he mentioned how different that they registered from our Week34 test run…yeah, they felt a whole lot different too! The pain and discomfort was starting to become unbearable at this time, but my mind was pretty numb and I didn’t think to ask what was going on (much of this I only know from Jason recounting to me). I do remember at one point telling him to not touch me… this was actually the only time that the evil labor fairy made me nasty- mostly because I was on sensory overload and was feeling claustrophobic in the little room.
They monitored me in the Triage room until about 2, and once the midwife was able to assess me and claimed that I was dilated 2.5 centimeters, they decided to admit me. Jason then asked her about how long would “this” last so that he could make some calls to the rest of the family. She said that under ‘normal’ circumstances, once you get to 4 cm, it would take about an hour per cm to get to 10, which would mean that I would probably deliver between 8 and 10 in the morning- so we were going to call the family around 6 to let them know I was in labor. He did call Leah to let her know- “She’s a 2.5?” (She was a 5 when she GOT to the hospital with her son last year!!)-- since she couldn’t sleep she decided to come to the hospital.
I had to use the restroom prior to getting wheeled down the hall to our private Delivery Suite- it was not an easy feat with that gown and in between contractions… but none the less, success! The Delivery Suite at Kaiser is huge- enough room for a small party (I’ve heard that some people have their entire families in the room… not modest little moi) and all of the medical staff. This is the part where I don’t remember very much- especially after Nurse Ratchet screwed up on my IV- ugh. At this point my contractions were very, very, very close together and extremely strong… it was scaring Jason- he asked one of the nurses if that was how it was going to be for the duration of my labor- perhaps another 5- 6 hours, and thinkin’ where the heck the epidural was.
Although Jason was a great coach, and as comforting as could be in that situation, I took great relief in using the bed rails to brace myself during every contraction. Finally around 3 a.m., the gave me some Fentanyl to ‘take the edge off’ until the epidural fairy arrived. I’m thinking that there is no way in hell that I would be able to stay still enough for five minutes for even the swiftest anesthesiologist to poke a big ol’ needle in my spine…. Bring on the IV drugs. This worked for a total of 3 contractions- and Leah arrived around that same time. At this point, I had to pee in the worst way… due to the IV and the intensity of my labor they wouldn’t let me get up to go to the bathroom nor did I have a catheter… they told me to just go on the pad… so I did, and proceeded to tell the entire room… thank you Fentanyl!
Jason managed to find a focus point for me- a pair of the Baby’s shoes that had rabbits and flowers on them… "rabbits and flowers, rabbits and flowers"- that was my mantra during the contractions…. And then another level of pain struck me… in my lower back. As they were leaning me over to try to put my epidural in, and Jason was trying to support me, I had the worst contraction yet- I had to resist the urge to bite Jason and let out a primal blood curdling scream… “I have to push…”
“I don’t think I’m going to be able to give her the epidural…”
“No shit… we waited a bit long..”
They situated me back on the bed amidst another contraction.
Another scream (my throat was raw by the end of this…)
“Did you take the classes, Carol- remember what you learned in the classes.”
“Yes, I took the classes, but that’s all out the window now!” I have to push…
“You can’t push- you aren’t ready.”
“It hurts, it hurts, I have to push.”
As I’m screaming through a contraction, they are telling me to breathe and pant…. I have to push… Leah is trying to help me pant.
“Pant, how the hell can I pant?”
Another blood curdling scream brings Nurse Midwife Marcy running in to check my progress… “I have to check her NOW.”
Nurse #1: “I just checked her about 10 minutes ago and she was a 5…”
She leans down and immediately announces- “She’s a 10!”
Jason’s eyes pop open as big as saucers… which I didn’t see although I was looking up at him. He was shocked that I progressed 5cm in less than 20 minutes… let alone the FIVE HOURS that they had guessed.
“Okay, Carol, you’re ready to have this baby- we can give you the epidural or you can have the baby.”
“Baby. Baby.”
“Okay. Baby it is.”
During my entire pregnancy, I’ve been scared to death of labor and the pain associated with it, but at this point I didn’t give a second thought to not having an epidural now… I just thought that getting one would be more so and also that once I actually had the baby, the pain would go away.
There was a blur of people doing stuff- Leah grabbed a leg, Jason was rubbing my head and holding my hand, someone was pushing my back up and the midwife was giving a play by play. I barely had the strength to do anything on my own, and I was honestly scared to death.
Two contractions and she was crowning…
“Okay, Carol, one more good push now- she’s almost out.”
Liar! ( : It actually took four pushes….
Before my very last contraction, I had this Zen, Yoda-like moment. Those bunnies and flowers… well they were running through a meadow in my mind at this point. I just felt really peaceful and not very much pain. Honestly. But the rest before this was a bitch- I actually had what I consider an out-of-body experience to deal with everything that was happening. I figure that zoned out and removed myself from the moment up until the last contraction. When somebody compares something to childbirth- well, I get it…
I turned to Jason and said, “Let’s do this.”
One last push and Kiera Mckenzie Waggoner was born at 3:49 a.m. on August 18, 2009 in Roseville, California three weeks early and after only 3 hours and 54 minutes of intense labor. Nurse Marcy lightly toweled her off and set her on my chest, Kiera was crying… I’m crying… Leah is crying… Jason is crying…. all tears of joy, of course- but there wasn’t a dry eye in the room!
After a few minutes Jason cut her umbilical cord.
“I don’t know what to do with her- what am I supposed to do?”
“Nothing, just hold her like you are doing.”
“You did it, babe, our little girl is here. You’re my hero.”
“She’s here, Carol, you’re a rockstar!” (Leah also knew how petrified I was of labor.) Oh, and you didn’t poop on the table!”
That elicited a hearty laugh out of both Jason and I---- if you only knew that that I was mortified of that and actually told the class that during our Childbirth class!
My placenta came out quickly and was the talk of the room- Midwife Marcy remarked that I had a beautiful placenta (um, thank you?)… and Jason said it was larger than Kiera… eww…
After a few minutes they took Kiera to the warmer to give her a little bath and do the procedures and testing…she scored a 9 on the Apgars. At this point they told me that due to the short labor and lack of test results, we would be staying in the hospital for 48 hours…. And this was my first time in the hospital!
Weighing in at a dainty 5 pounds, 13 ounces and measuring 19.5” inches long… a skinny little thing!
Jason went over to go see her and talk to her…. She actually turned her head at the sound of his voice calling her name. (He talked to her in my tummy all throughout my pregnancy!)
Meanwhile, they spent the next 30-40 minutes carefully stitching me up…. Due to the pace of the delivery, I unfortunately tore and required about 20 stitches. You can’t feel it while it’s happening, but I did feel the repairs, and it was a bit uncomfortable… both the sewing and the close proximity of the midwife to my hoo-hoo for that long- but all the modesty was out the window along with the childbirth classes and breathing practice!
Shortly after 4 a.m., Jason called my mom to tell her that she was a Grandma! She was about as shocked as we were that Kiera made her arrival so quickly! Leah went home to grab some much needed sleep to go to work (she’s a rockstar!) and we got moved to our private Recovery Room #317- Kiera bundled in my arms and Jason trailing along with all our bags- one for labor, one for Kiera, one for recovery and five pillows! I think he had to make a few trips- I’ve never been one to pack lightly.
Once we got moved into our room, we made a few calls, sent out our announcement text message and spent some quality time with our precious little girl. It was only hours, but she was amazing so far!
At 6:45 a.m., Baby Kiera got her first visitor- Grandma Karen! Followed by Auntie Erika, Grandpa Don & Grandma Linda, Grandma Helen… Auntie Nanette… and the trail went on! Her fan club grew over the next few hours… and is still growing! I am completely biased- but how can you not love her! ( :
After 40 hours of being awake, I finally got some sleep on Wednesday morning- nearly 24 hours after Kiera was born…. Ahhh…. But that whole time I had an ear-to-ear grin plastered on my face- it was literally the BEST day of my life.
The entire labor and delivery experience was nothing like I thought it was going to be- it wasn’t completely horrible, but it was very intense and fast. It was extremely painful, but short lived (the recovery has been another matter and is a separate post) and Kiera is worth it- despite what they say, I have not forgotten about the pain. I feel blessed to have had such an easy pregnancy and short labor free from any major complications, and as a result, a perfectly healthy baby girl. Will I have another baby? Probably not at this point, but Jason and I said we would revisit that in a year. For right now, I just want to concentrate on enjoying every single second of Baby Kiera’s life!
Our long awaited special delivery arrived with great fanfare, drama, and of course much earlier than expected…. Even after having this time to reflect on it, it seems so surreal and I wish that there would have been something to record each second of the special day (night).
On Sunday (the 16th), I had a mad case of “nesting” going on…. I totally cleaned and scrubbed the refrigerator, vacuumed my bedroom with our new Dyson Animal (I think I might have vacuumed up a small animal in the process), laundry; AND then Mom and I went to the Bay Area for a Toby Keith and Trace Adkins concert. I know.. I know… I’m nine months pregnant… but they were THIRD ROW seats and so worth it! ( :
So waking up on Monday after only five hours of sleep and being grumpy and feeling like poo was more attributed to a late night at the concert than what might have been early signs of impending labor. It was my first day of Maternity Leave so since I had time on my hands, Mom and I went and got mani/pedi’s (thank goodness for pretty toes during labor!) and then lunch and shopping at Old Navy for a nice girls afternoon out! I also had a regularly scheduled 37week pre-natal appointment later that afternoon and Jason took off early to take me.
For some reason, I had a feeling that this would be my last appointment! The Nurse Practioner- whom I love- said that my cervix was 100% effaced (thinned), but not dilated, and that she was at 0 Station (situated low in the pelvis- the right position for delivery) and was measuring between 38 and 40 weeks; heartbeat was strong and that she could literally come anytime. HA HA- little did we know. During this exam they also took labs in preparation for delivery- more about this later. Jason was reading in the little newsletter that they give us that the exams could possible cause labor, so I thought it would be fun to walk down all of the stairs on the way to the car.
After every appointment, we have, er, had a ritual to go to RiteAid and get ice cream cones…(mad cravings for Chocolate malted crunch for the last 6 weeks!) well this particular store was going out of business and although the ice cream counter was closed, everything in the store was marked 50% off. Believe it or not, I was not in the ‘shopping mood’ so we left and went to the grocery. That is when my contractions started… but they felt like the ‘regular’ Braxton- Hicks contractions that I’ve had for weeks and weeks. They didn’t hurt, and were irregularly spaced so I thought it was another practice trial. Here’s where things start getting weird: at the grocery store, I decided that I wanted to have BLT’s for dinner- remember this is coming from the preggers chick that hasn’t really ate meat for months and months- at least I went for the turkey bacon! So Mom made dinner and I ate a whole sandwich and corn on the cob- a very big dinner for me in my present state (perhaps a subconscious note to self to consume fuel for labor??). After dinner, Jason and I went for a walk with the dogs and my contractions became pretty regular- about 6 minutes apart- but not much stronger than before. And Cynnamin- our chow/ Sheppard mix dog- who usually is a very excited walker, stayed by my side the whole time. When we got home I had a pretty brutal contraction; I decided to go and sit on the balance ball in the shower. The hot water felt really good on my back and also on my stomach when I did have a contraction. At this point I am still thinking that it might be Braxton-Hicks and I was looking forward to laying down for some rest. Right before I shut the water off, I told Jason that he might not be going to work in the morning…. HA! So, I stand up and shut to water off and I feel a pop down 'there' and then a trickle of hot water down my leg…. Was it from the shower? “Um, Jason, I think that my water just broke.” This was about 11:55 p.m. And then the next contraction nearly brought me to my knees it hurt so bad- and then I started crying. The reality set in - my water broke, and I was going to have a baby- soon. Jason helped me to the bed and then he called Kaiser Labor & Delivery for me- I couldn’t talk through contractions. Even though my contractions were irregular, they told us to come in if my water had broken and they would check me. I called Leah, my back-up labor coach, and then it was time to go to the hospital. Although I had had all of my stuff ready to go for the hospital in one area, with the exception of the car seat installed, so Mom and Jason got it all ready and loaded into the car- meanwhile, I managed to get dressed while having about 4 more contractions.
The ride to the hospital seemed like it took forever- between nasty speed bumps that seemed the size of mountains near our house, to a seat belt that felt like a vice when each contraction hit and trying to find some ‘zen’ music on the XM… I also noticed the little clock on the satellite receiver and my contractions were nearing five minutes apart. Thank god for no traffic at midnight and a relatively quick trip. I was whisked into the Triage area of the hospital (green light line pass through security- wahoo!) and asked to sign here, print here and produce a urine sample. Holy Mother of Bambi, these contractions hurt like hell… I have no idea how much actually made it in the cup….
Room One was going to be my domain for awhile. I put on the customary arse-baring gown as well as an ace-bandage like band around my stomach to hold the monitors and tried to get comfy in the bed. When I get settled, I see the clock says 12:50 a.m., and then if, big, if, my water didn’t break at home, it certainly just did…. About 15 minutes later, Jason and my Mom make it in to the room, which is getting smaller and smaller with each contraction and practioner that walks in. I’m hooked up to four different monitors, and a faulty blood pressure cuff that keeps getting stuck on constrict when it goes off every 15 minutes- which is about every third contraction.
Jason kept himself busy watching the monitor for the baby’s heartbeat and the contractions- he mentioned how different that they registered from our Week34 test run…yeah, they felt a whole lot different too! The pain and discomfort was starting to become unbearable at this time, but my mind was pretty numb and I didn’t think to ask what was going on (much of this I only know from Jason recounting to me). I do remember at one point telling him to not touch me… this was actually the only time that the evil labor fairy made me nasty- mostly because I was on sensory overload and was feeling claustrophobic in the little room.
They monitored me in the Triage room until about 2, and once the midwife was able to assess me and claimed that I was dilated 2.5 centimeters, they decided to admit me. Jason then asked her about how long would “this” last so that he could make some calls to the rest of the family. She said that under ‘normal’ circumstances, once you get to 4 cm, it would take about an hour per cm to get to 10, which would mean that I would probably deliver between 8 and 10 in the morning- so we were going to call the family around 6 to let them know I was in labor. He did call Leah to let her know- “She’s a 2.5?” (She was a 5 when she GOT to the hospital with her son last year!!)-- since she couldn’t sleep she decided to come to the hospital.
I had to use the restroom prior to getting wheeled down the hall to our private Delivery Suite- it was not an easy feat with that gown and in between contractions… but none the less, success! The Delivery Suite at Kaiser is huge- enough room for a small party (I’ve heard that some people have their entire families in the room… not modest little moi) and all of the medical staff. This is the part where I don’t remember very much- especially after Nurse Ratchet screwed up on my IV- ugh. At this point my contractions were very, very, very close together and extremely strong… it was scaring Jason- he asked one of the nurses if that was how it was going to be for the duration of my labor- perhaps another 5- 6 hours, and thinkin’ where the heck the epidural was.
Although Jason was a great coach, and as comforting as could be in that situation, I took great relief in using the bed rails to brace myself during every contraction. Finally around 3 a.m., the gave me some Fentanyl to ‘take the edge off’ until the epidural fairy arrived. I’m thinking that there is no way in hell that I would be able to stay still enough for five minutes for even the swiftest anesthesiologist to poke a big ol’ needle in my spine…. Bring on the IV drugs. This worked for a total of 3 contractions- and Leah arrived around that same time. At this point, I had to pee in the worst way… due to the IV and the intensity of my labor they wouldn’t let me get up to go to the bathroom nor did I have a catheter… they told me to just go on the pad… so I did, and proceeded to tell the entire room… thank you Fentanyl!Jason managed to find a focus point for me- a pair of the Baby’s shoes that had rabbits and flowers on them… "rabbits and flowers, rabbits and flowers"- that was my mantra during the contractions…. And then another level of pain struck me… in my lower back. As they were leaning me over to try to put my epidural in, and Jason was trying to support me, I had the worst contraction yet- I had to resist the urge to bite Jason and let out a primal blood curdling scream… “I have to push…”
“I don’t think I’m going to be able to give her the epidural…”
“No shit… we waited a bit long..”
They situated me back on the bed amidst another contraction.
Another scream (my throat was raw by the end of this…)
“Did you take the classes, Carol- remember what you learned in the classes.”
“Yes, I took the classes, but that’s all out the window now!” I have to push…
“You can’t push- you aren’t ready.”
“It hurts, it hurts, I have to push.”
As I’m screaming through a contraction, they are telling me to breathe and pant…. I have to push… Leah is trying to help me pant.
“Pant, how the hell can I pant?”
Another blood curdling scream brings Nurse Midwife Marcy running in to check my progress… “I have to check her NOW.”
Nurse #1: “I just checked her about 10 minutes ago and she was a 5…”
She leans down and immediately announces- “She’s a 10!”
Jason’s eyes pop open as big as saucers… which I didn’t see although I was looking up at him. He was shocked that I progressed 5cm in less than 20 minutes… let alone the FIVE HOURS that they had guessed.
“Okay, Carol, you’re ready to have this baby- we can give you the epidural or you can have the baby.”
“Baby. Baby.”
“Okay. Baby it is.”
During my entire pregnancy, I’ve been scared to death of labor and the pain associated with it, but at this point I didn’t give a second thought to not having an epidural now… I just thought that getting one would be more so and also that once I actually had the baby, the pain would go away.
There was a blur of people doing stuff- Leah grabbed a leg, Jason was rubbing my head and holding my hand, someone was pushing my back up and the midwife was giving a play by play. I barely had the strength to do anything on my own, and I was honestly scared to death.
Two contractions and she was crowning…
“Okay, Carol, one more good push now- she’s almost out.”
Liar! ( : It actually took four pushes….
Before my very last contraction, I had this Zen, Yoda-like moment. Those bunnies and flowers… well they were running through a meadow in my mind at this point. I just felt really peaceful and not very much pain. Honestly. But the rest before this was a bitch- I actually had what I consider an out-of-body experience to deal with everything that was happening. I figure that zoned out and removed myself from the moment up until the last contraction. When somebody compares something to childbirth- well, I get it…
I turned to Jason and said, “Let’s do this.”
One last push and Kiera Mckenzie Waggoner was born at 3:49 a.m. on August 18, 2009 in Roseville, California three weeks early and after only 3 hours and 54 minutes of intense labor. Nurse Marcy lightly toweled her off and set her on my chest, Kiera was crying… I’m crying… Leah is crying… Jason is crying…. all tears of joy, of course- but there wasn’t a dry eye in the room!
After a few minutes Jason cut her umbilical cord.
“I don’t know what to do with her- what am I supposed to do?”
“Nothing, just hold her like you are doing.”
“You did it, babe, our little girl is here. You’re my hero.”
“She’s here, Carol, you’re a rockstar!” (Leah also knew how petrified I was of labor.) Oh, and you didn’t poop on the table!”
That elicited a hearty laugh out of both Jason and I---- if you only knew that that I was mortified of that and actually told the class that during our Childbirth class!
My placenta came out quickly and was the talk of the room- Midwife Marcy remarked that I had a beautiful placenta (um, thank you?)… and Jason said it was larger than Kiera… eww…
After a few minutes they took Kiera to the warmer to give her a little bath and do the procedures and testing…she scored a 9 on the Apgars. At this point they told me that due to the short labor and lack of test results, we would be staying in the hospital for 48 hours…. And this was my first time in the hospital!
Weighing in at a dainty 5 pounds, 13 ounces and measuring 19.5” inches long… a skinny little thing!
Jason went over to go see her and talk to her…. She actually turned her head at the sound of his voice calling her name. (He talked to her in my tummy all throughout my pregnancy!)
Meanwhile, they spent the next 30-40 minutes carefully stitching me up…. Due to the pace of the delivery, I unfortunately tore and required about 20 stitches. You can’t feel it while it’s happening, but I did feel the repairs, and it was a bit uncomfortable… both the sewing and the close proximity of the midwife to my hoo-hoo for that long- but all the modesty was out the window along with the childbirth classes and breathing practice!
Shortly after 4 a.m., Jason called my mom to tell her that she was a Grandma! She was about as shocked as we were that Kiera made her arrival so quickly! Leah went home to grab some much needed sleep to go to work (she’s a rockstar!) and we got moved to our private Recovery Room #317- Kiera bundled in my arms and Jason trailing along with all our bags- one for labor, one for Kiera, one for recovery and five pillows! I think he had to make a few trips- I’ve never been one to pack lightly.
A note about our “labor” bag- most of the stuff we never used during labor- with the exception of the balance ball at home and the pillows, the chapstick, and my iPod (I listened to one of my favorite bands, Train, during delivery as I forgot to update my iPod before coming to the hospital with the Baby Kiera’s Arrival playlist!) that was about it- there were another 30 or so items in the ‘little’ bag though!
Once we got moved into our room, we made a few calls, sent out our announcement text message and spent some quality time with our precious little girl. It was only hours, but she was amazing so far!
At 6:45 a.m., Baby Kiera got her first visitor- Grandma Karen! Followed by Auntie Erika, Grandpa Don & Grandma Linda, Grandma Helen… Auntie Nanette… and the trail went on! Her fan club grew over the next few hours… and is still growing! I am completely biased- but how can you not love her! ( :
After 40 hours of being awake, I finally got some sleep on Wednesday morning- nearly 24 hours after Kiera was born…. Ahhh…. But that whole time I had an ear-to-ear grin plastered on my face- it was literally the BEST day of my life.
The entire labor and delivery experience was nothing like I thought it was going to be- it wasn’t completely horrible, but it was very intense and fast. It was extremely painful, but short lived (the recovery has been another matter and is a separate post) and Kiera is worth it- despite what they say, I have not forgotten about the pain. I feel blessed to have had such an easy pregnancy and short labor free from any major complications, and as a result, a perfectly healthy baby girl. Will I have another baby? Probably not at this point, but Jason and I said we would revisit that in a year. For right now, I just want to concentrate on enjoying every single second of Baby Kiera’s life!
August 20, 2009
Hello World- Nice to Meet You....
My name is Kiera Mckenzie and I'm so excited to be here!
I waited for as long as I could, but after 37 weeks baking in Mommy, I decided to make a grand entrance on Tuesday morning, August 18th, at 3:49 a.m.
The hospital peeps said that I was 5 lbs and 13 oz and 19.5" long.... they also said I was in a huge hurry and Mommy was only in labor for a little over four hours.
We actually just got home from the hospital today and we're settling in... Mommy told me to tell everyone that a more detailed story would come as soon as possible.... she has some beauty rest to catch up on! ( :
In the meantime, please enjoy a few of my first photos courtesy of my fan club!
July 28, 2009
It Was a Practice Run
Well 34 weeks down, just 6 or so left... right??? Right. That's to my due date- 09/06/09- cool, eh? We would actually love 09/09/09, but that seems so FAR away right now... and all I have been hearing is, "first time moms are always late... yadayada..." Weeellllll..... I'm not so sure that BabyW is going to wait.... especially after last night!
I've been having Braxton-Hicks (B/H) contractions since about 25 weeks- they are very common, not harmful and only mildly uncomfortable. It's basically BabyW's way of telling me to take it easy, or they are common when it's hot. Yesterday was hot.... yesterday was NOT B/H contractions....!
It started on my drive home from work (and I didn't even stop for a Slurpee!) in nice balmy 102 degree weather. I had mid-line pain below my belly button that felt like a burning sensation followed by a contraction. These were different than all of my other ones- lower and a bit stronger. After the second one, I began timing them and then promptly laid down to rest once I got home. We were also instructed in our classes that pre-term (anything less than 37 weeks) labor can be caused by dehydration so you're supposed to empty your bladder and then drink a ton of water and then lay on your side. So, I did. And they continued.... and continued. Finally after three hours, I called Labor & Delivery and explained what I was going through and well.... we had a little late night visit to the hospital!
Even knowing that it was highly unlikely that this was "it," we still tossed a few things in a bag and jumped (Jason did, I, on the other hand, waddled and scooched) in the car and made the 20-minute drive to the hospital. Despite some people waiting to clear security, they whisked me back to admitting (woo-hoo- this belly is a free line pass at the hospital!) very quickly. Unfortunately, Jason wasn't so lucky and after about 10 minutes he finally made it to my room.
My nurse rocked... despite the duration of time that I'd been having pre-labor, I still felt a bit silly to be at the hospital, but because of only being 34 weeks, it was important that I was there. She did a great job of making me feel quite normal for being there... she was there five times prior to delivering! LOL BabyW and I were hooked up to some monitors with wires snaking around us- wow- she is a marathoner like her Daddy- her heart was thumping away like crazy! And it went up during each contraction. And then I got to have a fun exam! That, was painful- but we found out that her head is really, really low; but I'm not dilated, so BabyW is not going to make a debut this time- thank goodness! Hearing her heartbeat and seeing her healthy and active (the Doc said she is a wiggle worm!) on the ultrasound was a relief- she was kicking the monitor sensors! Oh, and she is huge--- not alot of room left in there- which explains why I feel and look larger every day! My contractions weren't progressing, nor letting up, so they gave me some medicine to ease them and after a few hours, we were on our way back home. Phew- I- WE- were not quite ready yet for BabyW to make her long-awaited appearance! Even after five years, we could wait for just a few more weeks to get just a bit more done around here! And we might need just a bit more practice on our breathing and relaxation techniques!!!!
So now for the Irony: our 'to-do' list for the evening was to situate the nursery and pack our hospital bags!!! So funny!
I've been having Braxton-Hicks (B/H) contractions since about 25 weeks- they are very common, not harmful and only mildly uncomfortable. It's basically BabyW's way of telling me to take it easy, or they are common when it's hot. Yesterday was hot.... yesterday was NOT B/H contractions....!
It started on my drive home from work (and I didn't even stop for a Slurpee!) in nice balmy 102 degree weather. I had mid-line pain below my belly button that felt like a burning sensation followed by a contraction. These were different than all of my other ones- lower and a bit stronger. After the second one, I began timing them and then promptly laid down to rest once I got home. We were also instructed in our classes that pre-term (anything less than 37 weeks) labor can be caused by dehydration so you're supposed to empty your bladder and then drink a ton of water and then lay on your side. So, I did. And they continued.... and continued. Finally after three hours, I called Labor & Delivery and explained what I was going through and well.... we had a little late night visit to the hospital!
Even knowing that it was highly unlikely that this was "it," we still tossed a few things in a bag and jumped (Jason did, I, on the other hand, waddled and scooched) in the car and made the 20-minute drive to the hospital. Despite some people waiting to clear security, they whisked me back to admitting (woo-hoo- this belly is a free line pass at the hospital!) very quickly. Unfortunately, Jason wasn't so lucky and after about 10 minutes he finally made it to my room.
My nurse rocked... despite the duration of time that I'd been having pre-labor, I still felt a bit silly to be at the hospital, but because of only being 34 weeks, it was important that I was there. She did a great job of making me feel quite normal for being there... she was there five times prior to delivering! LOL BabyW and I were hooked up to some monitors with wires snaking around us- wow- she is a marathoner like her Daddy- her heart was thumping away like crazy! And it went up during each contraction. And then I got to have a fun exam! That, was painful- but we found out that her head is really, really low; but I'm not dilated, so BabyW is not going to make a debut this time- thank goodness! Hearing her heartbeat and seeing her healthy and active (the Doc said she is a wiggle worm!) on the ultrasound was a relief- she was kicking the monitor sensors! Oh, and she is huge--- not alot of room left in there- which explains why I feel and look larger every day! My contractions weren't progressing, nor letting up, so they gave me some medicine to ease them and after a few hours, we were on our way back home. Phew- I- WE- were not quite ready yet for BabyW to make her long-awaited appearance! Even after five years, we could wait for just a few more weeks to get just a bit more done around here! And we might need just a bit more practice on our breathing and relaxation techniques!!!!
So now for the Irony: our 'to-do' list for the evening was to situate the nursery and pack our hospital bags!!! So funny!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)